![]() ![]() I imagine this is precisely how future generations will find the Fast & Furious movies: take these violent symphonies out of their context and they’re just hollow machines. So many enemy soldiers and criminals fall anonymously in a shower of bullets and explosions that each begs for their own Austin Powers-style eulogy. The effect for a 21st century observer is almost Brechtian divorced from any illusion of dramatic struggle, one can sit back and study this powerful display of male American Cold War machismo for what it is. Schwarzenegger’s physicality matches such a character well, but almost the entire supporting cast around him seem charmless. ![]() An endless cavalcade of mercenaries and henchmen fall to his infallible accuracy, and he breezes from one pitched gunfight to another with barely more than superficial cuts and scratches. Schwarzenegger’s John Matrix simply never encounters a challenge he cannot easily overcome. What is particularly interesting in how badly Commando is written is that the film is a shameless power fantasy. This is simply a poorly made movie for the fashion of a time where quality writing was not a major consideration. I am not a great believer in ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ – in most cases such films simply have enjoyable elements in otherwise unenjoyable productions – and in all honesty Commando is a solid piece of proof for that position. The plot is a nonsense, the dialogue atrocious, and the ham-fisted attempts at one-liners inspire eye rolls ahead of laughs. Come to Commando more than 35 years later and it’s evidently all weaker elements. Grow up with Commando and it will be gifted with a certain nostalgic glow, enabling the viewer to coast over its weaker elements and simply enjoy the stuff they enjoyed when they were young. Eventually, however, the small hole in my pop culture unawareness started to niggle, and Disney+ made this 20th Century Fox movie available to stream online. There was no specific reason to avoiding it for so long a simple combination of disinterest and lack of immediate opportunity was enough. It is also, weirdly enough, the one famous American action flick from the decade that I had never seen. There is nothing to the film beyond physical combat and gun violence, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Lester’s 1985 hit Commando. There were certainly better films to feature Schwarzenegger – and absolutely more iconic ones – but Commando came stripped of science fiction and fantasy elements, and simply showcased the actor engaged in constant, murderous action. More than anything it was the decade of Sylvester Stallone versus Arnold Schwarzenegger, and if there is one Schwarzenegger film more symbolic of the 1980s than any other it is Mark L. We want to root for him but does he really need us to root for him? As the audience, we know he's going to come out alright and that the "bad guys" never have good aim even when he's right in front of them.The 1980s was a decade dominated by popular high concept action films, heavy on muscular stars who were short on refined talent but huge on screen presence. And how that's possible is beyond me, and again, does it matter? Matrix is able to escape and with the help of a woman he kidnaps named Cindy, played by Rae Dawn Chong, he is able to track Jenny down to a little island off the coast of Santa Barbara, California. So, that's it, that's why he was abducted and his daughter was kidnapped. ![]() Arius wants him to commit a political assassination so he can lead a military coup. His daughter is kidnapped and he is blackmailed by a former Latin American dictator named Arius (played by Dan Hedaya who is probably better remembered by American audiences as Nick Tortelli on "Cheers"). Matrix is a former member of a special forces unit. But in "Commando," Arnold Schwarzenegger's character John Matrix is no match for the countless obstacles that are preventing him from saving his kidnapped daughter, played by a young Alyssa Milano. This is why "Die Hard" was such a great film, the hero of the film didn't look like everyone who came into his way was doomed. ![]() Apart from a bad script, there are numerous horrible one-liners and bad acting. These films have outlandish or undeveloped storylines that take a backseat to action sequences that involve the hero of the film being a one man army taking down countless "bad guys." It's an excuse for violence from men with too much testosterone and roid rage that appeals to the adolescent moviegoer. Do the plots in these films actually matter? Probably not. They're extremely boring, anticlimactic, unsatisfying, and for the most part bad films. ![]()
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